


More than a Shadow

by rarmaster



Series: More than a Shadow [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, and also larxene, tw for abuse (mentions)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 04:52:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4291449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rarmaster/pseuds/rarmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Namine wants to talk to Kairi about what happened in Castle Oblivion (namely, about Sora) but ends up talking to her about much more than that. (For #kairineedslove2k15's Kairi Week.)</p><p>Trigger warning for abuse mentions, it's nothing graphic, but, the implications are all there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More than a Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> Spiritual successor to "Dream, Drop, Don't leave me Behind" - written to be purposefully ambiguous, so you can take this relationship as a little gay, as friends, or as adopted sisters. whatever you want.

“ _Kairi…?_ ”

She opened her eyes.

Except, she did not wake up from sleeping—she simply opened her eyes into a dream.

Kairi found herself in the place that Riku referred to as the heart station, standing on beautiful stained glass which she knew formed some sort of picture. She also knew it probably depicted herself, in some fashion, but, it was impossible to tell when she was _standing_ on it.

She… was not alone here, either.

Standing just a few feet away from her, slightly away from the middle of the platform, was Namine.

Namine’s hands were folded in front of her, and besides an upwards flick of her eyes at Kairi, her gaze was directed downwards. Everything about her body language screamed she was uncomfortable, if not nervous or even scared. The latter two emotions where what Kairi could feel banging around in the back of her mind, along with the rest of her awareness of Namine. There were many things they could not keep from each other, seeing as they currently shared a heart space.

“I’m… I’m sorry to have called you like this…” Namine whispered. Even as she spoke, she did not make eye contact with Kairi.

“What? Oh, no big deal,” Kairi assured her. If she was worried, it was only because of how Namine was acting. She’d spoken with her Other various times over the past few months, ever since she became aware that Namine was here, and they got along well. But there was something… _heavy,_ that weighed in the air right now. Kairi didn’t like it.

“It was just… the only way I could talk to you like this…”

“Face to face?” Kairi asked.

Namine nodded. “Yes.”

Kairi eyed her carefully. Namine looked almost exactly as she remembered—pale, blonde, _small._ She was already small in stature, but she curled in on herself now, as if to make herself even smaller. Kairi thought Namine had seemed a little more confident last time they’d spoken face to face (that was when Namine had rescued her from Saix), but now, all that confidence was gone.

“Namine…” she began, only Namine was speaking before she could finish.

“I- I thought it was time you knew about…” Namine swallowed hard. “About Castle Oblivion.”

Kairi’s eyebrows shot up into her hairline. That was the last thing she’d expected to hear. “Are… are you sure?” she asked. She couldn’t deny she was curious, but the heavy air and the way Namine seemed to tremble—not to mention the uncertainty she felt in her mind, uncertainty that came from Namine.

“Kairi, please, I know you want to know…”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t wanna make you talk about it if you, y’know, don’t want to.”

It was funny, how Namine chose to feel Kairi’s curiosity but ignore everything else. How she chose to ignore how little Kairi wanted to put her friend in a position she was uncomfortable with. Ignore how worried Kairi currently was about her. Kairi _was_ curious about Castle Oblivion, yes, but she knew the subject wasn’t any easy one for Namine…

“No, I… I wouldn’t have called you down here if I wasn’t sure,” Namine answered. Then in a slight bend of the world around them, she summoned a chair to sit down in, and her sketchbook appeared out of nowhere. “Do… do you mind?” she asked, pencil poised on the page, eyes wide as they asked Kairi for permission.

Kairi shook her head, a little confused. “Uh… I guess not?”

“I’m sorry, it’ll just be easier to speak if I keep my hands busy,” Namine explained.

“Oh, then, yeah!” Kairi said. Kairi settled herself on the ground, preparing to listen. (It did not occur to her to summon a chair like Namine had.) “By all means, go for it!”

“Thank you…” Namine whispered, and with a deep breath, she began to explain.

She explained what she knew of Marluxia’s plans, and how they made her rewrite Sora’s memory to make him her literal servant, how they intended to use him through her to take down the rest of the Organization. She explained what she did to Sora’s memory—every single detail, Kairi was sure—and how she’d tried to replace Kairi with herself in his heart.

The news stung to hear, and Kairi would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little angry by the idea. But the anger didn’t last long. Namine kept talking, now about how Sora saved her, chose to forget her, the year spent repairing his memory. Namine’s frantic voice, and the cool of the stained glass against her skin grounded her, calmed her. And though Namine didn’t say it, Kairi could feel the disappointment and the sadness that she felt about Sora choosing to forget her.

“It’s alright,” Kairi broke in, cutting Namine off in the middle of what was still an explanation about repairing Sora’s memory and how she was sorry it took so long or something. Namine stared at her, and Kairi took a deep breath, so that her voice would remain steady. “It’s alright,” she repeated. “I mean, I can’t say I’m thrilled, but you put his memory back together, didn’t you? And that Marluxia guy made you do it to begin with, didn’t he?”

“I… Yes, he… he made me,” Namine answered. She hesitated a moment, fingers curling around the corners of her sketchbook. She was trembling. “But- But I _wanted_ to do it,” she said, and had this not been Kairi’s heart, she might not have heard, for how quiet Namine was. “I _wanted_ to… I was lonely, and I wanted someone who would… who…”

She didn’t finish. Unfortunately for her, the words she probably wanted left unsaid still reverberated in Kairi’s mind. Stray thoughts slipped through a lot when you shared a heart. And this thought made Kairi’s heart stop.

_“I wanted someone who would love me.”_

Namine went very rigid. Kairi gaped at her, horrified, _heartbroken._ And worse, as she sorted briefly through Namine’s memories—most were presented immediately to her, so, it wasn’t like she was _prying_ —she found she could count on one hand every moment in which someone had been kind to Namine.

Kairi intended to tell Namine that if it was any consolation, Sora was very eager to finally meet her again, and eager to be friends, but instead she found herself saying:

“Well… you have me.”

Namine’s eyes got even bigger, which had seemed impossible ten seconds ago. She flushed red, and Kairi flushed a little too, though she couldn’t think of much else to say. And, she’d _meant_ it. Maybe she hadn’t meant to _say_ it, but that didn’t change the fact that she _was_ here for Namine. If only Namine’d see it…

Though, it occurred to Kairi now, perhaps it wasn’t that Namine couldn’t see it, but rather, did not know how to.

“O-oh!” Namine said. If she wasn’t holding her sketchbook so tightly, Kairi thought she might have dropped it in her surprise.

Kairi smiled and shrugged at her. “Well, you _do_ ,” she said.

Namine stared a moment more, then quickly ducked her head down. Not for the first time, her emotions were a complete mess and though Kairi could feel them, they were impossible to make much sense of. It was unfortunate, too, because Kairi had never wanted to understand what Namine was feeling more than she did right now.

“A-anyway…” Namine said, very rapidly. “That’s… that was all I needed to tell you if you want to go now, you… you can. I’m sorry for taking your time.” Namine kept her eyes down and hands clutched around her sketchbook.

Kairi tried not to gape. Namine wasn’t _really_ trying to make her go… was she?

“Namine, what…? I _mean_ that!” Kairi shifted so she was on her knees, partially to just get herself a little height. “Maybe I’m not who you expected, or who you wanted, but I _am_ here for you!”

“I-I…” Namine began. That was all she could seem to get out, though.

“And, if this is still about Sora—” Kairi knew it was not, but she pressed on anyway. “—I’m not really that upset. Marluxia made you do it, and you fixed Sora’s memory, and it’s not entirely your fault, and you’re sorry, so, it’s fine. Stop blaming yourself so much.”

“S-Sorry…” Namine whispered.

She felt stressed about something, though Kairi couldn’t quite pinpoint what. Sharing a heart space did allow them a lot of understanding of what was going on in the other’s mind, but not a perfect understanding, and sometimes emotions came through without a reason to go with them. A part of her thought Namine might be scared, but of what? Regardless, to lighten the mood, Kairi laughed.

“And, c’mon, stop apologizing so much!” she said. “Like, geeze louise, Namine, who told you you had to be sorry for _breathing?_ ”

It was meant to be an exaggeration, a joke, but the moment after she said it she felt the phantom of a sting on her cheek that reminded her much of a slap. Memories were like that, when in the heart space. There were physical, but only just. And as she reached up to touch her cheek, though knowing it was fine, everything clicked into place.

“Oh my _god,_ Namine,” she breathed. Her heart felt like it’d been ripped in two, and Namine just sat there, still rigid, still trembling but obviously trying to hide it. She still did not look up from her lap. Her sketchbook had vanished, and she was clutching her knees instead.

Kairi started to get up and go to her, but she only got a step. “Namine, did… did he…?”

“No!” Namine replied quickly, shaking her head. “No, he…” Then all of her confidence vanished. “Not… Marluxia…”

Kairi only had to think a second, and even though she did not know the name and knew less of the person it belonged to, she knew it was right the moment her mind settled on it.

“Larxene.”

If Namine had been rigid before, she was stiff as a board now.

Whispers of voices flickered past Kairi’s ears, though they were less voices and more shouts and screams and a _horrid_ laughter. Oddly enough, she thought one of those shouts sounded a lot like Riku. But that couldn’t be right.

“I’m- I’m fine, Kairi, really,” Namine said, her voice incredibly tight.

“Did she—”

“I’m fine, Kairi.”

“Namine no you’re not, you’re _terrified_ , and all I did was say her name.” Kairi took a few more steps towards Namine. She knew the heart space well enough, but she was still surprised when the steps seemed to move her no closer. Why would Namine…?

“I’m sorry…”

Kairi growled took another step, willing it to work properly this time—

Something struck her.

Her heart stopped. An eternity passed while it refused to beat. Fire flooded her veins and her sight blurred from the sudden pain of it all. She knew that it was just a memory, but that did not make it hurt any less. She couldn’t breathe. And worse? All she could hear besides a ringing echo of what might have been laughter was Namine:

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m—”

Repeating herself, repeating herself, and sounding so, _so_ scared.

When the pain cleared, and her vision returned, Kairi found herself face down on the ground. She swore she tasted iron in her mouth, even though there was no blood, could be no blood. She took carefully deep breaths as she pushed herself upright. She’d felt scared before and knew well enough how to deal with it—though nothing she remembered quite compared to this sudden terror that made her feel sick to her stomach, terror that didn’t even belong to _her._ It was Namine’s.

Namine was still sitting in her chair, shaking as if she were crying, or wanted to. Kairi pushed herself up the rest of the way, shocked now to find she was much closer to Namine than she had been before. The heart really was a strange place.

“Was… was that…?” Kairi asked slowly, looking up at Namine.

Namine nodded before she could finish. The air knocked out of Kairi’s lungs. Lightning. That was what lightning felt like. She already knew that from accidental misfires during Keyblade Training, but it had never hurt quite like this.

“Did she—?”

Another nod from Namine before Kairi could finish. A new wave of terror passed through Kairi, but she was prepared this time, already breathing deeply to counteract it. Her stomach still churned, though. From the thought of Larxene. Of Namine remembering in such excruciating detail what lightning felt like when hit by it. Of Namine’s terror, and what Larxene had done to her—

“Namine…” Kairi whispered. Her chest ached.

“I’m sorry. I’m fine.”

Kairi glared a moment, though at this point, she wasn’t even surprised. “Stop apologizing, and no you’re not, I can _feel_ it Namine.” She tapped at her chest. “I can feel… everything you feel…”

Namine’s fingers tightened on her knees. “And I’m sorry you had to feel that—”

“It was just a memory.”

Namine shook her head.

“She’s... just a memory,” Kairi tried again. (She dare not say Larxene’s name, though there was no reason to, anyway. Namine knew who she meant.) “She can’t hurt you.”

Namine took a long moment before answering. “Xehanort came back….” she whispered. She’d never looked so small.

“Okay, he did, but if Larxene does, I will kill her myself,” Kairi said, without hesitation. “I promise you, Namine. She’s not going to touch you—she’ll have to go through me!”

Namine laughed, weakly, a laugh just short of tears.

It took Kairi only a moment to realize these words were not new to Namine’s ears. Flickers of memory—Namine’s memory—flashed through her mind. Promises from the lips of… Riku? No, it couldn’t be, it wasn’t, and though she was curious to know just who that was if not Riku, (had it really been him screaming earlier?), that didn’t matter right now.

No, that didn’t matter right now.

All that mattered was Namine.

“You’ve already heard that promise, haven’t you?” Kairi asked. She did not need to. She knew, and Namine knew she knew, but she _had_ to ask. This did not work if she didn’t ask.

Namine simply nodded. Kairi more than expected that.

Still, she smiled. “Well, then let me find a new one for you.”

Kairi took her time, mulling over the words, considering what she knew of Namine, of what Namine needed to hear, about the memories that kept flickering through her mind—still, none of them hers. It took her a while to craft the perfect words, and she could feel Namine shift uneasily as she waited with unbaited breath, waiting to hear promises she’d heard a thousand times before.

But what Kairi had was nothing Namine had ever heard. Kairi was certain of that, once she’d finished deciding what to say. She was also certain that that was why it needed to be said.

“You’re worth the worlds, Namine,”  Kairi began, quietly, watching Namine carefully. “You’re wonderful, you’re beautiful, and you’re kind and you’re brave. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be your own person, and to be loved for being that.”

Namine jolted, and looked up, surprised.

Kairi didn’t stop.

“And you don’t deserve pain.” This was a lot harder to say, but she made herself say it, because Namine needed to hear it. “That doesn’t mean pain won’t come—I could never promise you that—but I can promise you that if someone ever hurts you, it’s not _your fault._ ”

Namine stared, mouth hanging open. She looked—felt—surprised, obviously, and happy, maybe, but largely uncertain. Like she had no idea what to do with Kairi’s words. All Kairi could do was send _her_ certainty of what she’d said through their link to Namine, just in case Namine wasn’t already feeling it. After a moment’s hesitation, she sent reassurance along the link as well, whispers of _it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay._

She didn’t know what else to do, and while Namine’s current feelings and entire situation were more than clear to her, it all still seemed unimaginable to have lived as Namine had. Kairi may not have remembered her biological parents’ faces, or anything more than scraps of what her grandmother felt and sounded like, but the family that adopted her on Destiny Islands loved her dearly. And Sora and Riku loved her just as well. To have been Namine? To have lived, without ever knowing what it was like to be loved? It was unthinkable. It was terrible.

“I… I mean all that, Namine,” Kairi said, since Namine hadn’t responded, and since leaving the air empty with silence seemed unbearable. “You are a truly wonderful person and you deserve all the love the worlds have to offer. And I’m so so so sorry that so many terrible things happened to you.”

Namine blinked, then looked away a little. “It’s not your fault,” she whispered.

“Well, I know that,” Kairi began, then it occurred to her that Namine might not realize what she meant when she’d said sorry. “It’s just… when something bad happens to someone you love, you… you feel bad.” The concept wasn’t so easy to put into words, but, she did her best. “And I know I can’t but I wish I could have done something. No one deserves what you were forced through.”

Namine sat there, silent, for a long moment. Her eyes dropped to her lap again.

“D-do you…?” she asked, as if afraid to hear the answer.

“Hmm?”

“Love me.”

“Of _course_ I do, Namine!!” Kairi laughed, smiling wide, largely just in exasperation that they were still on this. They’d had plenty of time to get to know each other by now, and plenty of time for Kairi to grow to love her. She may not have been as loving and as accepting as Sora was—not that anyone really could be—but Kairi didn’t need to be. Loving Namine was like second nature.

Besides, they shared a heart. That, even without the months of interacting, was more than enough.

Namine slowly looked up to Kairi, hesitantly meeting her eyes, her lips twitching to form a smile of her own. Namine’s happiness bubbled in the back of Kairi’s mind, and it was such a good thing to feel.

“Now get out of that chair and get over here,” Kairi said. “I think you really need a hug!”


End file.
